Questions
Does it really hold things?
Yes, the compartment takes a phone, wallet, keys and a card holder. It is a working bag, not a hollow costume prop.
Is it obvious it is fake?
From a few feet under a shirt, no. Close up, yes, which is the point, because the reveal is the joke.
Can I wear it all evening?
The strap is adjustable and sits secure enough to walk, sit and dance in. It is not especially breathable, so a long hot day is a different question.
Which finish should I pick?
Plain white or brown reads most convincing. Hairy and sunburnt get the biggest reaction. The sixpacks are the joke in reverse.